A mom doesn’t know what to do when she realizes her daughter is now closer to her husband than to her.

The original poster (OP) shared their story on Reddit and explained that she and her daughter used to be very close, even when she became a teenager. She said things changed suddenly earlier this year when her mom died. During that time, she noticed her husband and her daughter “discovered they are best friends.”

She went on to say that while she’s thrilled they’ve discovered they have things in common and have become closer, they now do everything together and don’t seem to want to have her around. OP said that when she tries to join in, they stop laughing or tell her she won’t understand the joke. She shared that they plan excursions together and watch movies without her.

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OP said she now feels like it’s “spiraling out of control.” She says that before her mom died, her daughter would come to see her as soon as she got home from school. But now, she’s noticed that her daughter goes to see her dad. When OP tries to come see what’s going on, she notices that they stop talking as soon as she enters the room.

When OP brought it up to her husband, he’s just said he’s “so thrilled” that their daughter wants to spend time with him and that he doesn’t see a problem. When she asks her daughter if anything is wrong, she always says there’s no problem.

In her comments, one person acknowledged that the situation seems painful and asked if OP has anyone else she can talk to about her feelings.

“This sounds very painful. I’m so sorry. In general, kids will gravitate toward one parent or the other during different phases of life,” they said. “This usually has nothing to do with one parent doing something wrong, it’s just a way for kids to try on different identities or explore different ways of being in relation to their parents.”

“Honestly, I think it is a gift that your daughter feels really close to a parent when she’s a teenager. There is so much evidence that feeling close to a parent or other trusted adult has hugely positive benefits for kids at such a turbulent phase of life,” they continued. “That said, I know this doesn’t make your feelings any easier to deal with. Do you have someone you can talk to about this? You deserve support.”

Another person told OP to focus on the good news that her daughter and her husband had grown closer and now have a better relationship.

“Focus on the good thing, the relationship between father and daughter. What a great opportunity for them. It isn’t competition,” said another. “Sounds like you had a lot of time to get very close to her. Start focusing on yourself and the other things will fall in place. Maybe reach out to an old friend? Focus on yourself a bit. If you rush or stress the issue, it might get worse.”

A third said that the situation sounds hard and that OP should continue trying to bond with her daughter.

“This sounds so hard. I think if you keep showing up, and hold no expectations she’ll come around. I think the issue right now is that you have expectations and maybe your child feels that,” they wrote. “It sounds like you’ve had a tough year, and I’m so sorry for that. The acceptance you’re looking for needs to come within.”

“Also, in my opinion your husband should be including you. He’s not a teenager,” they continued, “When you enter a room for them to both stop talking and not include you is mean. It’s one thing if your child is doing it, but your spouse should absolutely be encouraging your participation.”