Jennie Garth has opened up about the deep emotional toll she faced following the death of Luke Perry, whom she described as her ‘first true love’. 

In her memoir I Choose Me: Chasing Joy, Finding Purpose, and Embracing Reinvention, she recalls the moment she learned of the heartbreaking news about her Beverly Hills, 90210 costar, after receiving a call from his manager.

Perry died in 2019 at the age of 52 after suffering a stroke.

‘I was in a state of shock. No words would come out of my mouth. I went numb. I hung up and I drove home as fast as I could back,’ she wrote.

As others reached out and processed the loss, Garth admitted she struggled to make sense of her own feelings, saying ‘it was difficult to know my place in all the grief.’ 

‘I don’t think anyone really understood our relationship, myself included. It was too painful, so I just put it in a box and buried it somewhere deep inside me. I’ve never opened it and I never intend to.’

90210 star Jennie Garth has opened up about the deep emotional toll she faced following the death of Luke Perry, whom she described as her ‘first true love’; (pictured March)

In her memoir I Choose Me: Chasing Joy, Finding Purpose, and Embracing Reinvention, she recalls the moment she learned of the heartbreaking news about her Beverly Hills, 90210 co-star, after receiving a call from his manager; (Perry and Garth in 2008)

She recalled, ‘I remember not being in my body while I was there, a sort of dissociation as a form of protection. I didn’t stay long. It felt comforting, on one hand, to be with members or the old cast and crew, but also a feeling of anger bubbled up in me that I wanted to escape.’

Earlier in the memoir, Garth also shared that their on-screen romance sometimes blurred into real life.

She wrote candidly about his lingering kisses and playful affection during filming.

‘When Kelly was falling for Dylan, I was falling for Luke.’

In early April, Garth reflected further on her feelings during an interview, admitting how strongly she once saw him as her ‘first true love’.

‘I do think he was my first true love,’ she told People. ‘Now looking back, I’m like, “You were just like every other girl in the world.” Everyone imagined him as their first true love.’

The memoir comes after Garth  finally addressing her infamous feud with the late Shannen Doherty that simmered behind the scenes as the two skyrocketed to fame together on Beverly Hills, 90210. 

The 54-year-old actress played Kelly Taylor, a character often in conflict with Doherty’s character Brenda Walsh.

‘I don’t think anyone really understood our relationship, myself included. It was too painful, so I just put it in a box and buried it somewhere deep inside me. I’ve never opened it and I never intend to,’ wrote Garth

Garth recalled, ‘I remember not being in my body while I was there, a sort of dissociation as a form of protection. I didn’t stay long. It felt comforting, on one hand, to be with members or the old cast and crew, but also a feeling of anger bubbled up in me that I wanted to escape’

‘I do think he was my first true love,’ she told People  adding, ‘Now looking back, I’m like, “You were just like every other girl in the world.” Everyone imagined him as their first true love’

Garth revealed that the on-screen high school rivalry, particularly over Dylan McKay (Perry), wasn’t just scripted drama – it translated into real-life tension with Doherty, who passed away in 2024 from breast cancer at the age of 53. 

‘I think we were both in the same position, really thrust into the spotlight, and we were written as characters to be against each other,’ Garth told People.

‘And that translated into the media and into the audience and then into the world’s perception of our relationship.’

The actress said it was ‘confusing’ for them both, admitting they would ‘clash’ on set.

‘We were doing the best we could, and so sometimes strong women will clash, especially when they’re young and sort of uneducated about friendship and the importance of it,’ she explained.

But the negative storyline kept people hooked.  

‘It was a better story for the show,’ Garth said. ‘And I just realized how terrible that was, how terrible it was to put us in that position. 

‘Nobody was guiding us. Nobody was getting therapy then. Nobody was talking to us about things. We were both just fending for ourselves.’

Garth revealed that the on-screen high school rivalry, particularly over Dylan McKay (Luke Perry), wasn’t just scripted drama – it translated into real-life tension with Doherty, who passed away in 2024 from breast cancer at the age of 53

Garth admitted that the relationship ‘did reach points of conflict.’

‘But the end of the day, we really did have a respect for one another as strong women who have lasted a long time in this industry,’ she explained.

‘And she taught me a lot. She taught me a lot of really good things about being strong, standing up for myself, using my voice. And I’m forever grateful for her and for the relationship that we had.’

She added, ‘Even though at times it was complicated, it was still really good.’ 

Garth pointed out that, in the end, they were actually more alike than different.

‘She was an Aries, I’m an Aries,’ she said.

At the time of 90210, Garth explained that Doherty ‘was very closely connected with her parents and her father’s health challenges.’

‘I too was going through the same exact thing at the same time, and there were a lot of things going on, adult things happening for both of us,’ Garth added.

The actress said it was ‘confusing’ for them both, admitting they would ‘clash’ on set

Garth had previously alluded to the feud in 2019, when she opened up on Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen about a near-physical altercation with Doherty. ‘I can only remember one incident and that’s when we took it outside,’ she recalled.

‘I’m a Midwestern girl and I spent some time in Glendale, Arizona, so that makes you tough.’

‘The guys held us back so we never actually [fought],’ Garth added.

In March 2024, Doherty reminisced about a heated argument with Garth over a prank she played on her, when Beverly Hills, 90210 co-star Brian Austin Green joined Doherty on her podcast Let’s Be Clear. 

‘She [Garth] was calling it Pants Down Day where she would pull the pants on some of the crew members in a funny way but some of them were getting pretty annoyed with it.

‘And then I reversed it and I said, “Skirt up day”. And she always wore the men’s Calvin Klein boxer shorts under her clothes. So I didn’t think it was that big of a deal. 

‘And so I did Skirt Up Day and oh, my God, she lost it on me and I was just not in the mood to back down.’

A month before the podcast, Doherty doubled down on her claims that Alyssa Milano had gotten her fired from Charmed in 2001—after the actress had denied the allegations.

‘Nobody was guiding us. Nobody was getting therapy then. Nobody was talking to us about things. We were both just fending for ourselves,’ Garth said, (pictured in 2009)

Appearing at Orlando’s MegaCon with Charmed co-stars Holly Marie Combs and Rose McGowan, Doherty teared up as she read a statement in a video.

‘I’m sorry if I start crying,’ she said, pausing as emotions took over. ‘Holly and I, we were not mean on the podcast — my podcast, ‘Let’s Be Clear.’ In fact, we went in and we edited out anything that we felt would cause more drama.’

‘We simply told the truth because the truth actually does matter. But we wanted to try to save you, the fans, from heartbreak as much as humanly possible.’

‘At this point in my life with my health diagnosis,’ she continued, her voice breaking, ‘with fighting horrific disease every day of my life, it is also incredibly important to me that the truth actually be told as opposed to the narrative that others put out there for me.’

‘We told it together, we told our truths and we are standing by our truths,’ Doherty added of the claims she and Combs made on her podcast. 

‘There is no revisionist history happening in the truth that I know we told. … There is no lateness to set, there is no mediator for months on end. I recall the facts as if I was still living in them.’

Garth’s new memoir I Choose Me: Chasing Joy, Finding Purpose, and Embracing Reinvention is out now.