Earlier this week, people across America were once again left in shock after the country reeled from two more acts of gun-related violence: the Charlie Kirk shooting at Utah Valley University and the Evergreen High School shooting in Colorado.

It feels like these unthinkable acts are becoming more and more prevalent. And with the popularity of social media apps like Instagram, X and TikTok, clips and videos of the shootings have gone viral. Parents might be left at a loss about how to approach conversations with their kids who’ve now actually seen the shooting online, despite not physically being there.

Although kids go through active shooter drills at school, it’s important for parents to start these age-appropriate conversations about how to process what they’ve seen and offer tips and tools they can use.

Not sure where to begin? PEOPLE spoke with Dr. Robin Gurwitch, a psychologist and member of the National Child Traumatic Stress Network, to help parents facilitate those tough conversations.

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Don’t Wait for Your Kids to Bring It Up – Jump Right In

“Parents and other caregivers need to take a deep breath and please jump in. Do not wait for your child, including your college age students, to bring it up,” says Gurwitch. “Because if it’s so horrible that you can’t put words to it, then they may refrain from talking about it.”

Gurwitch suggests that parents figure out their own thoughts, emotions, values and beliefs they want to share before starting the conversation. Then, they should begin by checking in with their kids.

“‘Tell me what you’ve heard about it.’ Check in and find out what they know,” says Gurwitch. “Unless your child lives under a rock, if they are involved in any social media, they know.”

“And even if they aren’t, they’re on school buses where people are talking about it. They have older siblings who may be talking about it,” she continues. “They overhear your conversations. So it’s rare that children do not know about these events.”

Parents should find out what their kids know and listen for any misconceptions. Gurwitch suggests that parents don’t try and talk their kids out of how they’re feeling. Acknowledge their emotions and then ask how they should manage their feelings.

Check What Content Your Kid Is Consuming Online

Gurwitch explains that this is also a time for parents to check what their kids are seeing online. With the rise of younger kids on social media and the lack of filters on these apps, it’s become easier and easier to see traumatic moments online.

“This is also a time for parents to make sure they know what their children are seeing on social media,” says Gurwitch. “Maybe a time to put those parental controls on, particularly for our younger kids.”

“This may be a time to double check, and sometimes college students or our teens tell you, ‘Everything’s fine. I’m okay.’ Great. Then ask it a different way,” she explains. “‘What are your friends saying about this shooting?’ That gives us some insight into what is being talked about around them, and likely will mirror how they are feeling and their concerns.”

“And it’s not a one and done check. Continue to check in,” says Gurwitch. “And sadly, when these events happen, there are so many rumors and there’s so much misinformation, and in a time where we really should be thinking about, ‘How do we treat each other?’ and ‘What kind of world do we wanna live in?’ We also see just a lot of hate being spewed. What are the values we want to communicate to our children?”

She also says it’s important to turn off social media and make sure younger kids aren’t seeing any graphic images or videos.

“For really young children — your kindergartners and preschoolers — please monitor media exposure,” she continues. “Turn it off. They shouldn’t be watching this in any way, shape or form.”

“Be careful because when we think our kids aren’t watching, they know everything,” Gurwitch says. “Kids have big ears.”

Make Sure Your Kids Know That Disagreement Is Normal, But Violence Isn’t

“We don’t always agree with everybody, but how do we treat each other with, and then put your value in, with respect?” Gurwitch asks. “With compassion, with an open ear so that we can have a conversation How do you want to get your point across without violence, without attacking the person and having that conversation?”

Gurwitch suggests that parents explain to their kids that there will always be people who we disagree with passionately, but note that it’s important to get your point across without violence.

“Talk to them about their beliefs about the use of violence to make a point. What are some other ways we can get out point across? What are things that we can do?” she says.

Particularly for college students, Gurwitch suggests finding ways to get involved in clubs on campus and share their opinions in their communities.

“These horrific tragedies also are opportunities for parents and children across the age span to have those difficult conversations and to begin to shape how we want to engage in the world around us,” Gurwitch says.

Don’t Promise Safety, But Make Sure Your Kids Know They’re Taken Care of

Gurwitch says that a major topic that often comes up after shootings like this is kids who don’t feel safe at school or in public spaces. She suggests that while parents shouldn’t guarantee safety, they can talk through the steps that are being taken to help protect them.

“We don’t say, ‘I promise you’re safe,’ but you can share, ‘This is what I know that’s being done to keep you safe,’ ” she explains. “‘And I would never knowingly send you anywhere that I thought you could be hurt.'”

“‘So I have to believe that this is what’s happening, and in our family, this is what we do,'” adds Gurwitch.

Don’t Be Afraid to Seek Professional Help When Necessary

Parents shouldn’t be afraid to step in and seek professional help from a therapist or psychologist if they feel that their kids need it.

“If at any point a parent is concerned about how their child is doing, no matter how old the child is, or if you are worried about how you are doing yourself, [find] someone to assess whether or not this is okay or whether something else is needed,” Gurwitch says.

“Know that we have come a long way and there are incredibly effective interventions across the lifespan. And it’s never too late to seek those services, ever.”

For more information on safe firearm storage and the most effective ways to protect children from unsecured firearms, visit BeSMARTforkids.org.